Subsistence

Here begins again the utter ridiculous of my existence
That moment every day where the absurdity of it all overwhelms
When after rainy morning I lay me down to sleep in sunlight
Pouring in, reminding me of my station, and my wretched agreement
Woodpecker squalking, chattering complains from dead tree.
Without knowing I fight it, in subtle ways I wouldn’t have noticed
Before my awareness opened up.  It is four pm.
The sun ever joyful radiant exuberant, plays upon my bed
Warming it gently, drowsily.  The alarm is set, the phone, charging.
My resistance is reading, or writing these lines
Mind thinking, absorbing or oozing in turns, but ever away
From slumber’s sweet oblivion.  Barely beyond the middle
The next calendar number not half an hour old
The timer will trip, and I will arise, wash in a stream
Of cooked water warm, and drive, drive drive.  For an hour.
And still I am awake.  Here am I sabotaging myself again
For my function, my purpose, my sacrifice will be impaired
So I’ll finish this quick, and put out the light, 
A ridiculous gesture so far ahead of twilight
20161004

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