Condensation

today an exercise in condensation.  A challenge from With Real Toads, to take and remake a poem by Pablo Neruda.  I have done this, below, only by removing.  While I think the result is interesting, my theme is very different from his.

   harsh stuff
Dressed stone

feather beds
 love stained
everydayness.

Verses of 
air and water 
poems of honey and flour.

Vanity,  forget feeding the world.

 time. 
 pyramid,
a tower,
 rubies,
 dirtied hands

poets there know the recipe 
for honeycombs, all stone.

Let your poetry devour
 understanding
 hearts 

Don’t be afraid of sweetness.

With sweetness, living is infinitely alive,
forever being revived,
for it’s in man
that sweetness has place.

20170129
imaginary garden. Why not give it a try yourself?

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11 thoughts on “Condensation

  1. I like your approach, Eric. As you’ve said, the result is interesting and very different from Neruda’s, which was the point of the exercise! 🙂 Interesting that you picked out:

    ‘feather beds
    love stained
    everydayness.’

    ‘Verses of
    air and water
    poems of honey and flour.’

    and

    ‘Let your poetry devour
    understanding
    hearts’

    They could easily be developed into standalone tanka/haiku:

    love-stained featherbeds
    empty with everydayness
    space for poetry
    verses of air and water
    poems of honey and flour

    .

    Liked by 1 person

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