There is a second faith that shines, radiant, from within. It can only come to those who are no longer children. I don’t mean by age either. After you’ve watched grandma go, or the vet’s needle slip into your pets neck. Once your heart has been crushed, you were fired, kicked out of your home. Or you got that diagnosis. Or the mediocrity of your life has escalated unbearably. And everything you were told as a child disintegrates…
I notice again my self sabotaging behavior. The way I think of you even now, instead of focusing on the task at hand. The way I grab the chocolate and not the spinach. Yeah, ok I don’t trust the men around me, but what’s worse is I dont trust myself. How can I when I don’t even trust God?
In coming to that second faith, in my head I hear the words ‘I can’t’
But now I know that voice isn’t talking about me. Sure there is that part of me that is inept, afraid. Wanting to be liked, afraid of being abandoned. Again. But these are cornerstones, keystones, lintels and thresholds. For I am built strong, of stone. Yet tall, with doors and windows and full of light. This second faith, i do not need to proclaim it. It is evident in how i live. In fact, it is not faith at all. It is Knowing.
With a Belly full of candy eggs
I sleep among Crocus blooms and daffodils
Delightful Dawn surprises me with new fallen snow
20180402: an accumulation of prompts from
Haibun Monday: Faith